Remind me not to come to you for advice

I was talking with some coworkers about student loans the other day. One was a nurse, married, in her 30's, no kids. The other was a PCA (nurse's aid), 22, in her last year of nursing school. We were discussing how much we love having student loans and how we wish we made enough to pay them back in 2-3 years. The younger girl was saying how she heard about how you could go live on an Indian Reservation or in some rural Appalachian town for two years and get it paid off, but she wasn't ready to do that.

The older lady said, "You should totally do that while you're young and single."

I had to bite my tongue before saying something I'd regret. Sure, it would be nice to have those loans paid off, but why would someone in their 20's want to go and spend 2 years without a social life? In your 20's and 30's you should be out having fun and enjoying life (especially if you are single). Not sitting in the middle of nowhere on a Friday night for two years. I'm not saying it is any easier once you're married, but at least you'd have someone to talk to on Friday nights. I don't think I could convince any of my single friends to go with me.

My mom told me the other day that the Cleveland Clinic offers to pay your student loans if you go work in Dubai for two years and that I should look into it because I'm "young and single." I asked her if she ever wanted grandchildren, and ended that discussion. Dubai would be fun to visit, but I can only imagine how much fun I'd have there for two years. What if I met and married some guy who was a wife beater (sorry to judge but I just read what happened to Mary Murphy from SYTYCD-sad).

So to further prevent you from sounding like an idiot around a singe person, I've made some lists.

Fun things to do while you're young and single:
Travel
Start new hobbies
Learn a new skill
Travel
Semester abroad
Humanitarian projects
Humanitarian projects in foreign countries
Make [funny] movies for ward talent shows
Stay up late
Grad school in most of Western Europe

Anti social things to do while you're young and single
Work in a rural village for two years
Work in the Middle East for two years
Sit at home alone every Friday night

Next time you hear about a "great" opportunity for a singleton, ask yourself how much fun it would be to do said opportunity by yourself. If you wouldn't want to do it alone, the singleton probably wouldn't want to do it either. Even if they are young.

Birds of a feather

I called my parent's today and, as usual, talked to my mom first. I don't always talk to my dad when I call home but I wanted to discuss some things with him that my mom couldn't help me with. So after I was done talking to my mom I asked her to tell my dad to pick up.
(As a side note my dad is an old man. Very old compared to your parents. And before he retired he was a physician so my family discusses medical conditions like people would discuss the weather.)

Dad: "Hello?"
Me: "Hey Dad, I was having some issues I wanted to talk with you about."
Dad: "Well, usually when I have itching I..."
Me: "What? No, Dad, issues, not itching. I don't have that problem."

I guess my parents are similar. And make me laugh.

Please turn your personal pop-up blocker to ON

The past three days of work I've been taking care of this 40-something year old. His dad comes to visit him daily. He's a nice man (at least in his 60's, with a cane and white goatee), but by today his filter was clearly broken. He'd say that he'd like to take me home (yikes!). It started out innocent enough today when he came in in the afternoon and I was in his son's rooms passing out meds:

Old man: "You are by far the best looking nurse I've ever seen."
Me: "Well you must not know very many nurses."
Old man: "Oh no, I was in the hospital last year for 6 weeks..."(and proceeds to tell me that story-not gross, thankfully.)

I'm sure he says that to most of the young female nurses he encounters. His son is sitting in bed trying to get him to come and sit back down in the room. The conversation with the old man and me is repeated at least twice that afternoon. Another example:

Old man: "There you are, the cutest nurse ever."
Me: "Don't say that too loud or Jim will be jealous." (a male nurse had just left the room).
Old man: "You are just the prettiest nurse ever."
Me: "Thanks."
Old man: "You don't need to thank me. I'm just stating a fact."

Later that afternoon I was across the hall from said room sorting out meds for a patient. I was facing their room and the old man was near his son's door facing me. I could seem him staring at me. And then I heard this:

Old man: "She just has the most amazing body."
(I pretended I hadn't heard anything.)
Old man: "And she has a nice tight butt."
(The son, my patient, mumbles something I can't hear)
Old man: "I may be old, but I'm not blind. I can look. And I like what I see."

I wanted to crawl under a rock. Please old man, think before you speak. And saying things when you're across the hallway is not that far away from someone if you're talking about them. Your personal pop up blocker prevents whatever is going through your mind from spewing out of your mouth unfiltered. Old man, please turn your pop-up blocker back to on so no one feels violated like I did today.

It's not you, it's me.

It has come to my attention that I may have a problem with crying during movies. And books. And tv shows. I cry when there are happy endings (and horrifically sad ones too). Latest example:

The Office. Pam and Jim's wedding.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep after working the past 3 days and knowing I had to be up in 6 hours to work another day. Maybe it was the memories of watching the show when it first came on with my roommates in Utah and hoping they'd end up together. Or the fact that Jim was so cute. Ahh, Jim. The first time I watched this episode I laughed, the second time I laughed and teared up (ok, I cried, but they were happy tears). Now I just laugh.

Yes, I realize this is a fictional tv show and that characters like these don't exist in real life (although NBC went to the trouble of making this for the obsessed fans-I only found it when I was looking for photos online-stop judging me even more). Still, I don't care. I get attached to characters. I have a problem.

In the words of Gob Bluth: "Taste the happy [tears], Michael. Taste it."

Lessons from Japan, or Things you should know about the Japanese

(taken from an ad we saw in Tokyo-no idea what he was selling)

• Japan is fairly clean (no trash on the streets, metro etc) despite the fact that it is a treasure hunt to find a trash can. And sometimes all you can find is a recycle bin.
• The Japanese are not all short (I had several people tell me that I would "tower" over them-I'm 5'6" not 6'5"). Most seemed to be of average height.
• The Japanese love cell phone bangles. Lots of them. Even adults in their 50's.
• They do not favor a specific hair color. We did a scientific study with a blonde, brunette and a redhead. All were treated fairly.
• While restaurants give you hot towels or wet wipes before meals, napkins are hard to come by during the meals. Unless you count the small square of waxy paper at the table.
• Cashiers, waiters, clerks etc will continue to speak to you in Japanese even after your gesturing, clueless expression and the fact that you're Caucasian.
• If you stand there looking clueless at a map long enough, someone will help you. They might insult your group by calling one of you the mother of everyone else (thankfully not me), but they mean well.
• The Japanese Rail pass is the best thing to happen to tourists and the worst thing to happen to natives.
• Japan is not that expensive to travel in.
• The Japanese love dogs and love to dress them up. Sometimes they even push them around in strollers.
• Beware of food that you don't know the filling. It may smell good, but it could be filled with squid parts.

You can't teach and old dog new tricks

A few weeks ago, I bought an iTouch (it's amazing). I was talking to my mom and told her about my recent purchase. She asked me what it was and I described it to her:

Mom: "I want one."
Me: "No, you don't need one."
Mom: "Yes I do. Then I can always be on YouFace."
Me (after I burst out laughing): "YouFace?"
Mom: "Fine, FaceYou. Whatever it's called these days."
Me: "Yeah, you're not ready for an iTouch."

I love my mom, but her desire to be hip and technologically savy is hilarious.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment OR Paybacks a B*$#%!

When I was 8 years old (in the 2nd grade), my dad took me to see Arachnophobia. I'm convinced he thought it was a nature show (why else would he take an 8 year old). It wasn't. It was a horrible, terrifying movie. I've been scared of spiders ever since. That phobia has blossomed into a fear of all crawling insects. Last month this spider took up residence on my back porch:
I made a pact a few months prior (following Kristin's lead) that I wouldn't kill bugs in their natural environment (their home), but as soon as they entered my home all bets were off. So I let the spider stay. I kept hoping he'd get sick of the place and leave. But he didn't. And he only came out at night. One time his web got destroyed in the wind. I hoped he would relocate. Nope. Two hours later he had a huge new web. And I swear he kept getting bigger. By this time Candace has moved in and she's a little freaked out by him too. We named him Volemort. It seemed appropriate for such a horrid creature. We stopped using the back door. Sarah moved in and was also freaked out. After consulting with Kristin it was determined that Voldy had 'intent to enter' and 'intent to harm,' and could be killed. So Candace bought the bug spray. The bottle said "kills on contact," but Candace went a little trigger happy.



That night Candace said she would pack all our lunches for the next day as she was packing food for her drive to NC. I thought it was a nice gesture. The next day at work I opened up the tupperware with my sandwich and noticed something sticking out underneath.
I turned it over and saw this on the underside of the sandwich:


A huge, fake spider that made me jump in my seat.
Thanks, Candace. Just wait till you return in December...

Many are called, but few are chosen

When I was 21 and attending school in Utah I was called to jury duty (I was still an Ohio resident). My mom wasn't happy as at that point she had lived in Medina 20 years and I wasn't even living in the state. Two years later my brother got called to jury duty while he was attending school in another county (he had to decline). Again, my mother wasn't happy that she still hadn't been called. I eventually became a Utah resident, and two years ago when I moved back to Ohio I changed my permanent address back to my parent's in Medina even though I was living in Columbus. Last week my mom called and told me I had been called to jury duty AGAIN. I asked her if she had been called yet. She bitterly told me "no," and stated how she has now lived in Medina 24 years, voted in every election, and has had her children been called 3 times even though they weren't living in Medina any of those 3 times. She's not upset with me, but with the Medina County Courts. I will be declining the invitation again as I can't afford all the days without decent compensation.

A dream is a wish your heart makes...

Last night I dreamt that I was on vacation (it might have been Japan) and there were these animatronic dragons that breathed fire and moved around with no appearance of mechanics. One of them could fly. They were awesome. I'm assuming they were animatronic as I kept trying to get close to them to see them in their glory and because dragons aren't real. I'm pretty sure I had this dream because I saw this on my way home last night:




This is about a half mile from my house in someone's yard. It's been there for the past few weeks. I can't even begin to understand what it is about. It appears to be made out of recycled materials. So these people are apparently pro-recycling and pro-dragons.

Thank you strange people for inspiring dreams.

Oh, and everytime I see the dragon I think of Trogdor. And sing his song.

And my life has reached an all time low...

Last week in church this older couple stood up and said they had just gotten a flier for a "Mid-Singles" conference sometime this fall in Chicago. I thought, "yeah, but that only applies to people who are at least over 33."

Wrong.

This new "Mid-Singles" group is for singles ages 27-45! Yikes! As the website put it, the Mid-Singles group was created "to better serve the needs of singles in the Church who are no longer young enough to fit in with the "Young Single Adult" group but who do not yet feel comfortable attending the all-inclusive social activities for singles between 31 and 100."

Are they trying to slow phase us out of the young single adults group? I didn't think 27 was that old. I can still party with the "young" people. My coworkers think I'm 22 or 23 because I'm so awesome. Anyway, so now I feel really old. And they want us to go to some mid-singles group to hang out with scary older people (I'm referring to the people over 40). I don't want some 45 year old trying to hit on me. I'm pretty sure the guys there aren't going to look like this:

Age 44

or this:

Also 44

But probably more like this:

Maybe I'm stereotyping, but I don't care. This guy would scare me if he came up to me and told me I looked nice or something. What would I even have in common with someone in their 40's? I like being single, but knowing that this is what is out there for me scares me. A lot. Good thing I'm only 24 and don't have to worry about this for a few years.